This seems to sometimes be a touchy subject.  I am not an atheist.  Or at least I think I'm not.  I believe in spirits and souls and beings from other dimensions.  I don't believe in a God, perse.  At least not the traditional concept.  I don't envision some massive white-bearded guy sitting on a throne with Jesus on one side and Moses on the other (or whoever is supposed to be on the other side).  I feel like all of us together make up God.  And by "all of us", I'm not limiting it to the beings on Earth.

But I've been thinking.  What if I am an atheist?  What if everything we see as spiritual can be explained (eventually) by science?  Would that mean that we are wrong?  What would that do to the concept of faith?  As science and spirituality get closer and closer, what happens when the lines become blurred or even non-existent?  What if what we take on faith is just how the universe works?  I mean, I suppose that's what I believe now, I just can't prove it...hahaha. 

I do things that seem to bring miraculous results.  I still have some abundance issues that I'm working through.  But I know wholeheartedly that I will never be homeless, unless I choose to be, and that I will always have food to eat.  I may not have much extra (abundance issues), but I know that I am taken care of.  It pisses my girlfriend off to no end when a check shows up out of nowhere just in time to save the day.  But that has happened several times over the last year.  I'm talking random: like a paycheck that was two years old, a bonus from a job I no longer had, an extra week's worth of pay...  My point is that I have faith that these things will occur.  What if it's not some supernatural force "taking care" of me, but just how things work.

What would the atheists do then?  What would the religious do then?

I started a little with privacy/Oneness yesterday.  I wanted to continue that today.  While there are some questions as to the motives of many of the companies and organizations providing the means for connectedness, not to mention the goverment's trespasses into privacy, I've had some thoughts about realeasing any fear associated with this concept.

So for now, we'll skip over the growing pains that may or may not occur while on the road to Oneness.  Think about this: Everyone knows everything about you.  Now some of you just got a big grin on your face and feel excitement.  Others just cringed.  Now if you're in the latter category, and I include myself in it for the time being, may I suggesst that you are not doing what you want to be doing, and you are living from fear?  Look at it this way: if you were completely happy with your life, would you care what others thought about it?  Isn't that where the fear comes from right now?  Assuming we get past the growing-pains stage, it will be impossible to live out of harmony.  Because when we are all consciously connected, others will know when you are oiut of balance, because they will also be out of balance.  It will be in everyone's best interest to help you regain your balance!  Can you imagine the potential of this?  My words don't do it justice.

Imagine the abolishment of fear.  What's left when fear is gone?  Only love!  God, how exciting is that?!?

So obviously my goal of keeping up a blog failed miserably.  I was going through my bookmarks and found this and decided to revisit my blog at Zaadz.  Well, I stumbled into a world of change because now it's Gaia ( I like the energy of the new name).

I'm thinking about deleting my old posts and starting over, but haven't decided yet.  Mainly I'm embarrassed because I haven't kept up.  So much has changed since that time, but so much is the same.  I stayed dissatisfied with my employer, and was eventually fired.  Apparently this time I wasn't quick enough to make the decision for myself.  Now I saw it coming, but I didn't really believe it would happen.  On so many levels I wasn't prepared.  Financially, I've done OK.  The universe has provided for me in some wonderfully random ways!  I am thankful for the firing these days, though I think I still hold a little resentment. 

It took a little while for me to get over the shock and let go of the need to be so physically motivated.  I was freaking out looking for a job.  Then something shifted within me.  I realized that this company was my last great hope for corporate America.  I realized that I just can't work for a corporation that I don't believe in, much less lead others in such a situation.  I started exploring non-traditional ways to experience abundance and have started my own company.  I have a couple of part-time gigs that keep a roof over my head and food in my belly.  They allow me tons of time to focus on my spiritual development, as well as my company.  My life is pretty low stress right now. 

Since the new year, I've started to re-evaluate my employment status.  It was a huge blow to my ego when I got fired.  Even though many of my employees offered their encouragement, I felt like I am not a good manager.  I still struggle with that feeling.  I wonder if it is just that I haven't found the right field.  I'm feeling the pull of the old ways luring me back.

On a slightly different note, I've been doing a lot of thinking about privacy and some of the stuff that's going on in America right now.  There's a lot of talk about the erosion of our rights and privacy.  It seems everywhere we turn our information is being gathered and we are being marketed to based on all this information that's floating around out there about us.  I'll admit I was getting a little paranoid.  Then I noticed a conflict with my beliefs.  I hold the basic belief that we are all part of a greater whole, with the goal or mission to return to that whole.  So if we are getting to a point of no secrets, I think that's one step closer to Oneness.  Now my head isn't so far into the clouds that I don't see the exploitation involved with much of this.  I'm just seeing a positive aspect of it.  Think about how plugged in kids are today.  They are socially networked.  They are constantly in communication with their friends through IM, text messages, and social networking websites.  They are team players.  They are interdependent.  They are becoming one.  Ask most kids if they would implant something in their body that would allow them to communicate with their peers instantly and they would go for it in an instant.  Can you imagine what will happen when they find out that they've already got that capability?  And here's where the quandary re-enters the picture: they/we are being distracted by so many things that keep us dumbed down.  We are beginning to wake up, though!

That's all for now.  I make no promises about future posts.  For now, I'll just offer my blessings.

Love & light

Yesterday, I was at a district meeting.  For all of the shortcomings of my company and some of their products, I really do enjoy our meetings.  I always leave feeling energized and motivated.  I really do believe in the way that people are treated by the company.  Respect and dignity are the highest priorities, and that makes my heart sing.  We'll see how I feel when I get off work tonight.

Here's my issues with my company (and most):

Product  Now we have some high quality products that are relatively healthy.  But our "money-makers" are all gluttonous, and we are encouraged/required to push them in every transaction.  By no means are any of our products necessities, (though our customers would disagree).  Which brings me to...

Marketing  Maybe I'm naive.  Maybe I should just accept it as the way of the world.  Most marketing just gets my craw.  Now, if I'm reading a magazine about spirituality, and find an advertisement for a site like Zaadz, I can appreciate that.  But if I'm watching Law & Order, and see an ad for Little Debbie snack cakes, I get upset.  It's not what I want, and I certainly don't need it.  What really gets me going at work, is when people come in and say they need a large [insert gluttonous item here].  So my company has been successful creating a perceived need.  Bravo!  Now we can take money from people and help them to become fat and unhealthy.  So my dilemma comes because I feel like I'm contributing to the demise of our customers, but I otherwise believe in the principles of the company.

Time  We are open from 5:30am until 11:30pm (weekends until 12:30am).  My position as a manager requires me to have open availability.  I do not have a set schedule, and most weeks I am working all three shifts.  So, as you may imagine, I have some sleep issues. 

Anyway...as I'm writing all this, my inner voice is saying "Is this really what you want to be doing?  Does it make your heart sing?"   The connection with people makes my heart sing.  The business does not.  So my answer is no, this is not what I want to be doing.  The next question is can I stand it until I figure out what I do want?

So I started my latest spiritual re-awakening back in June, close to my birthday.  I've kind of been on auto-pilot for the last couple of years.  Birthdays are just times for me to reevaluate my life.  

I write this morning because I've been waking up all kinds of early for the past couple weeks.  I want t sleep longer, but my attempts to stay asleep are futile.  I wake up, look at the clock (usually around 4am), and the wheels start spinning.  Now I have heard that the 4am time frame is a "spiritual" time, but I don't feel very spiritual around 4am.  Cranky is probably a better description.

So this morning, with my "extra time", I have started a mission statement with some guiding principles.  It's a huge thing at the company I work for, and is supposed to guide all of our decisions at work, so I figure why not do that with my life?  I've been rather unfocused until this point, so why not whittle it down to a few important things and then run all my decisions through that filter? 

Well...time to get ready for work... 

So today I had this urge to write.  I had another blog, but haven't posted in three years.  I found it's bookmark and decided to read through the entries today.  Two things struck me.  First, I am in exactly the same place I was three years ago.  I have repeated the cycle twice since that time.  The second thing that struck me was how entertaining my posts were.  I don't mean this in an egotistical way.  Some posts jarred memories, but frankly, I don't remember a lot of the events that I wrote about.  As I read, I just kept thinking, this is good stuff, if not extremely insignificant.  But then I suppose there are a plethora of talented story tellers out there with an interesting spin and a keen way of spinning a tale.

 

Since my last blogging experience,  I have had two jobs where I have worked my way from entry-level to management.  Once in management, I seem to develop a moral block to doing the job I'm paid to do.  This hurts my soul, so I close off.  I get to a point where I've had enough, then quit, and start over.  I regain my spiritual bearings, but my financial life suffers.  I find myself struggling to make ends meet, and become rather miserable.

I was talking to my girlfriend the other night about my current quandry at work and had an "aha" moment.  I realized that I don't fit in this world.  I joked with my girlfriend who is agnostic at best that things don't work here like they do on my home planet.  So much just doesn't make sense to me.  In my imbalance I find myself intolerant and miserable, instead of compassionate and joyful.

So I find myself here, starting over again, yearning for balance between material and physical.  Seeking a way to share my light, but afraid to uncover it.  Seeking abundance without selling out.

So here is a very brief introduction.  I'll write in more detail about my adventures later.  Now it is time for bed.

Love & light,

Greg